Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Howardisms illustrated by Ryan...
Okay, Lance and Ryan have started something. I hereby stake claim to the official Howardism blog. Here and now. I need all your Howard quotes. Ryan as so graciously offered to illustrate them. I want either a quote or an episode (short). I will compile them and distribute them to you all. Here are a couple of my quotes from Howard....When asked how do you ride a horse, he said just keep you cheeks over the middle of the saddle. And, when asked how are you doing...he said just barely. Of course this was pre-parkinsons. Okay, it's your turn. Someone needs to come up with the most famous ones. We all know them, but they need to be contributed. But, not by me. If you have any personal ones they need to be shared for posterity. Start now.
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I'll start on a few illustrations
A couple more regarding flatulation...There's more room on the outside than there is on the inside and It's better to endure the shame than to endure the pain and regarding marriage... if you want a happy life you gotta have a happy wife.
Here's one:
Grandpa used to call my dog Iggy "Ignoramous." Then, when Iggy died and was buried in the back field, he teased me that my dad had gone over his grave with the plow. My dad denied it, and to this day I don't know who to believe, as they both had on those infamous smiles...
When he was in extremely poor health and living with his daughter, Candy, people would stop by to visit. They would inquie about his health and he would always reply, "There's nothing wrong with me that a good resurrection won't cure".
When he was also in poor health and would visit his doctor in Phoenix, I'd ask what did he say and he would reply, " He said I'm deteriorating right on schedule".
I like me, who do you like?
He used to call me Chadrey.
I used to call him Howard.
He used to call HB a Farming Fool or least part of that was right.
My mom told me that sometimes after someone had a really good idea Grandpa would respond with "I don't know why everyone thinks you're so dumb!"
While partaking of a delicious meal he would use Book of Mormon venacular saying it was "exceedingly fine".
He loved to take baths but because of his illness he didn't have the strength to get out of the tub. He called me in to help him out. I told him I could get him out quick with just a couple of hay hooks. One to the head and one...well you know. He laughed and then said make sure they're real sharp.
Jeff had a beard for a while and Howard used to tell him he had hair growing wild that looked better than his beard.
Kind of a sad one, but a couple of weeks after mom died and the headstone was put on he noticed that his name was also on there without a death date. Larry or maybe HB asked him what he thought about the headstone and he thought a minute and said, "It looks so good, I can't wait to jump in there".
When he would put on his Sunday suit he would exclaim "I've got my fine twined linen on."
One time Dad and I were stopped at a stop light. Two really hefty ladies were crossing in the crosswalk. Dad's eyes followed them all the way across. Finally he remarked, "There go a couple of P.J's." I said, "What? Whaddya mean?" He deadpanned, "Prospective Joggers."
oh, and this one. "It's hard to be humble, when you look so good."
I hope someone really is planning on making a book out of this.
He always told me that I was his favorite son-in-law.
He always told me that I was his favorite son and never believe what HB says mom told him about IQ's. She told him that to build up his self-esteem because he was always just a little bit "special".
Terril and I were discussing Howardisms and Terril said one day our cousin Lee showed up for work and Howard said, "Lee, having you at work is like having two good men gone."
I went to buckle up Howards seat belt and he stopped me saying," I want to live dangeriously today."
He also said in regards to marriage," for every Jack there is a Jill."
In regards to child bearing he said "It only take 9 months after the lights go out." Kathleen
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